At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
