Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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