is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
