I will die if light touches me.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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