my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
