Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
