what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
