If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
They have beer where we have blood.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
