So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
