I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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