His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
