I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
