remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
