the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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