Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
