Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
