You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
this boner is exhausting
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
