respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
