i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
