my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
