My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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