ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
smell my finger.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
