I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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