So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
