So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
