Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Houston, we have a squirter
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
