yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
