all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
im on a boat
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