In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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