i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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