Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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