this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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