In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
