hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
They took my balls.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
