It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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