let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
