If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hippo gnu deer
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
