you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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