I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
