How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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