Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
