Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
