i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
