I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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