Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
