FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
