Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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