Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
