I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
