The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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