The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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