Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
