if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
