I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
