I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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