I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
