He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
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Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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