Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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