Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
