paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
