Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
