Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
