yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
