it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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