the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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