I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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