They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
