She tied me up with her honor cords...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My feet surprised me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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