Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize