I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
