Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
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My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
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He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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