I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
