Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
