Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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