Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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