My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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