I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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