i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
