Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
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I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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