Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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